Mary did everything in her power to make herself the woman of my dreams.
Even the most subtle hint on my part was interpreted as the ultimate
goal in Mary's eyes.

She runs away from her problems.  When something comes along that bothers
her, she sweeps it under the rug, ignores it, and tries to get rid of it.
I happened to be one of these problems in her life, so now I am gone from it.
Just like that.

I was Mary's first love... first REAL boyfriend.  After me, every guy she
went out with was just a pale comparison to me.  It angered her, and
depressed her... then I reappeared into her life, and she knew that she
would do anything to get back what we once had.

Mary now had me back.  She was happy to have me... now she had to do
whatever she could to keep me.  Her first endeavor was smoking, because
it made her not hungry.  She wanted to be my supermodel, because in the past
I had once said that she should be skinnier.  This apparently haunted her.
So she started smoking, knowing full well how much I hated it.  When I found
out, I made her quit.  She did.  Pretty soon she began starving herself. This
didn't work because she would get hungry and eat.  Then she started purging
her food.  Right in front of me, just lying in my face and telling me it
made her sick.  she was forcing herself to throw up.  When I found out about
that I made her get counseling.   Since Mary had been out of work she was
even more depressed because of the medical bills.  Overcoming bolemia, she
became more depressed and contemplated suicide every time something between
us didn't work out right.  If I tried to speak my feelings, she would
wish she was never alive.  Nothing I said would get her through it.
Eventually it got to the point where I didn't know what to do anymore, and
I called the police and had her taken away.

This is where Ryan, a guy from work who she considered a "friend"
and confided in, decided I was a piece of shit in Mary's life
and that he would be better.  He just wanted to fuck her, of course,
and there is proof of this.  Things were getting more stressful
between us, and Mary finally came out and said she wanted to
break up.  This, just to test the water with Ryan, of course.  We still lived
together, had sex, and were happy, but she was cheating with Ryan -- well,
cheating to the extent of holding hands, and kissing.  I realized that
I wanted another chance with her, that I believed in her that she could get
stronger, and at that point we officially started going out again.  Next stop,
New York and my parents' house.  We got to New York, and Mary got
immature and impatient.  She argued with all my friends, the ones who
actually spoke out to her about how they felt about her.  There was no
constructive criticizm, just Mary running away from it.  She did everything
in her power to make sure I didn't have a good time.  I broke up with her
in New York and told her if she wanted me she would have to respect my
friends.  The next day she did a wonderful job, a totally different person.
Subservient, respectful, and to tell you the truth a wonderful girlfriend.
I loved that girl on that day, stronger than in recent memory.  She was
perfect... until that night when she started arguing with me about my friends
again.  She really wanted to come back home.  It bothered the hell out of me
during the car ride "we're almost home, we're going home!  how far are we?".
She didn't appreciate the trip or me.  We got home, she immediately left for
her friend Katie's house in Torrington.   Back home, Ryan's pressure towards
her got stronger, but I was in on it and kept it away from Mary.  She finally
realized how stupid she had been to lead him on, and to think that he
was a sincere friend when in fact he was trying to manipulate her and me so
that he could get her for himself.   After this, I really don't know
what started to happen.  Mary was hanging out with Katie and her friend's
Scott and Tyler.  She was with them a lot, and with me less and less.
She wouldn't tell me what was on her mind, and when she did it was scarce.
At this point I knew I was starting to lose her, and didn't know what to do.
We got into another fight, and my mind was steaming.  I couldn't take the
pain from fighting anymore, and told her it was over.  After that, I barely
saw her.  She stopped coming home, and if she did not till the sun came up.
She announced to me that she was moving in with Scott, a mutual friend, and
assured me that there was nothing going on between them.  It started to
bother me seeing less and less of her, but I managed.

Pete came out June 18th.  Pete, my best friend from New York, was bound and
determined to figure out what was going on, and to help me rebuild my life
without her.  She, in his eyes, kept interfering and wouldn't let go of me
despite her intentions to do so.  She was moving in with Scott, and Pete
wanted to help me fix up my house and get her stuff out.  mary was here one
evening cleaning out her kitchen stuff and Pete and I showed up and everything
was cool.  Then, something happened.  Pete asked Mary if she had room in her
car for some stuff.  Mary said no.  Pete then told Mary that she had to get
her stuff out of my house or Brian was going to throw it out onto the streets.
She immediately became defensive and questioned me, who was downstairs
putting a shelf together.  Are you going to throw my stuff out onto the
streets?  I told her no, and she asked why Pete would say something like that.
While she was downstairs, Pete was putting her stuff into her car.  mary went
back up stairs pissed off and confronted Pete again.  Why did you lie to me?
"Cause I'm a bastard!" Pete said like an idiot, and started to proceed into
the house while Mary exited.  Mary got angry as Pete started to close the
door.  Let me in, I still live here Mary screamed.  no you don't, and the
door was shut.  Mary banged on the door, and then lunged her fist through it.
Blood was coming out all over the place as Mary went into shock.  I called
911 and the ambulance and police were here.  Mary got 27 stitches in her
arms, I had to clean up broken glass and blood all night, and cover my
non-existent window in the door.  It was all fucked up.  That night scared me
a lot..   If Mary would go to that extent from anger, then I was not sure
what she would do given another circumstance...

Anyway, that was the last I saw of Mary for quite some time.
Mary started going out with Tyler, a guy who cares for her, and appreciates
her, and accepts her for who she is.  She sent her sister over to pick
up her stuff, and Pete and I hung out and lived our lives.

Mary came over and asked me to talk to her.  Blame was thrown all over the
place, Pete, mary, her friends, etc until finally she kicked me out of
her car and I started to walk home.  She came back, confronted me, and we
sat on the sidewalk in Gering at 130am Sunday night and talked.  We opened
up.

Since then, Mary has started to change drastically.  She wears lots of makeup
covering her beautiful lips and eyes, dyed her hair Amber/Red/Purplish color,
and has not been eating.  She told me that Scott's mom found out Mary was
going to move in, and made him throw her out.   She has been living in her
car.  Like I said, she hasn't been eating, is probably down to 120lbs, and
looks sick.  Tyler has been taking care of her, buying her clothes and
giving her love and support for whatever she wants to do.  Mary is bound
and determined to stay away from me, and ignore any feelings she has
towards me.  She is smoking, and drinking.

Mary is turning herself into someone I cannot appreciate or love.  She
changed herself physically from the woman that I compare every other woman
to -- beautiful young blue eyes long haired natural girl, to a partying
anorexiac slut who smokes, drinks, wears makeup despite the fact that she
is so freakin' naturally beautiful.  It won't be long before Tyler get's his
dick in her, at which point I won't know how to handle it.

Mary says she is happy, finally looks in the mirror and sees a beautiful
person, and smiles when people compliment her.  Whenever we meet to talk, it
depresses me and I lock up.  I don't know what to tell her, how to confront
her, or how to let her know how I feel without her resenting me.  Nothing
I say or do gets through to her anymore.  She has moved herself to a
different plain, and nothing we say to each other makes direct contact.
All I see is her ever-more destroying any chances that we will ever have.

Me breaking up with her was not for this intent.  My intentions were
so she could be on her own and think about what was important to our
relationship.  I wanted her to be able to see freely, without my interference,
what was going on, why it was falling apart, and what we, as individuals,
needed to do to fix it.  I did not intend others' interference.

Now she has been pulled away from me by outside forces that I cannot
compete with, and since I no longer have a tie to her, and attempt on
my part to intervene is seen as a blow in her face -- like I don't care.

This is all fucked up.  I know the girl I loved is gone, I want her back
but I probably won't get her back.

So now this is the present...