Top Ten Things I Learned From Star Wars

10. Short help is better than no help at all.
9 . If a technical flaw is found, escape.. even if the odds look to be in your favor.
8 . Make sure your opponent keeps both hands on the table.
7 . A princess and a guy like him can work out.
6 . Do not trust your eyes.. they can deceive you.
5 . Never tell me the odds.
4 . It's never my fault.
3 . Knowing 12 million forms of communication is good. Knowing when to shut up is better.
2 . Droids have feelings too.
1 . Good against romotes is one thing. Good against the living is another.
TOP TEN SCENES LEFT ON CUTTING ROOM FLOOR THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN INCLUDED IN THE STAR WARS TRILOGY

10. Luke finally tells his abusive Uncle Owen to kiss his ass.
9. Luke "accidentally" walks in on Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru during their private little "harvest."
8. Han Solo has too much to drink and wakes up with a Mos Eisley crew cut.
7. Luke's dream sequence in which Han performs a lap dance in a smoke-filled barroom, while the 1812 overture blares in the background.
6. Chewbacca finds out that Leia is HIS sister, too.
5. The emperor cuts a loud one, and Darth Vader exclaims, "Man, is the force with you buddy!"
4. Luke is laid up for three weeks on Degobah with a groin pull.
3. Lots of fanny slapping after the Death Star blows up Alderaan.
2. Vader finds out that Luke and Leia's mother was actually his sister.

AND NUMBER ONE:

1. Shaggy and Scoob find out that Boba Fett is really old man Crowley, owner of the Mos Eisley funhouse.
5 LINES YOU'LL NEVER HEAR IN STAR WARS:

5. Stormtrooper to Captain: "Sir, do you ever feel...you know...not so fresh?"
4. Leia: "I love you." Han: "You're not getting my Bud Lite."
3. Vader, to Admiral Motti's dissing of The Force: "I think someone needs a time-out."
2. C-3PO: "Fine. Don't listen to me. Go ahead and die, for all I care."
1. Anyone: "Y'know, I've got a really GOOD feeling about this!"
TOP TEN LAST-MINUTE ADDITIONS TO THE SPECIAL EDITION TRILOGY:

10. The "Look sir, 'droids!" trooper has a five-minute soliloquy.
9. Luke's digitally-enhanced pecs.
8. Jabba's big gangsta-rap number.
7. More dead Ewoks.
6. Mouse 'droids now have cute, trademarked ears.
5. Annoying pest Salacious Crumb replaced by annoying pest Pauly Shore.
4. Carrie Fisher digitally replaced with Teri Hatcher.
3. Fett's Jetpack exhibits missile-firing capability.
2. George Lucas digitally inserted into Mos Eisley Cantina, sipping a cool Kashyyyk Smoothie.
1. When Emperor Palpatine arrives at Death Star II, Vader and all assembled stormtroopers dance "The Macarena".
Top 10 Stormtrooper Practical Jokes:

10. Replace Darth's lightsaber with a flashlight
9. Switch Vader's oxygen supply with helium, first one to laugh, dies
8. Blame the new admiral for making the mistake that cost you the battle
7. Tell the tall guy "yeah, the blast door's open all the way"
6. Rewire hangar speaker system so it plays LaCucaracha when the Emperor arrives
5. Tell the new guy that Darth appreciates constructive criticism
4. Convince rookie pilots that TIE Fighters have shields
3. Switching uniforms and seeing if the commander can tell the difference
2. Sneak up on daydreaming guards and breathe through a can
1. Stick "I got your Force right HERE" signs on Executor bridge crew's backs
"Top Ten Sexually Tilted Lines in the Movie Star Wars"

10. 'She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid.'
9. 'Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care WHAT you smell!'
8. 'Look at the size of that thing!'
7. 'Sorry about the mess...'
6. 'You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.'
5. 'Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?'
4. 'Put that thing away before you get us all killed!'
3. 'It doesn't smell good kid, but it'll keep you warm.'
2. 'Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?'
1. 'Did it go in?' 'Negative. Just impacted on the surface.'
Why does Ben say the blasts on the Sandcrawler are from stormtroopers because they're too precise, but stormtroopers can't hit a thing the entire trilogy?