Star Wars versus Star Trek: The Movie
FADE IN SCENE: Space The Enterprize sits
stationary in space.
The Death Star dwarfs the small vessel.
SCENE: Enterprize Bridge
Spock: "The object appears to be a man-made construct.
It is roughly the size of a small moon. They do
have some primitive technology."
Kirk: "We should beam over and investigate."
Sulu: "What about the prime directive,
Captain?"
Kirk: "The what?"
Sulu (under breath): "Idiot."
Kirk: "Ok, all of you bridge crew... except you
Uhura... get ready to beam over."
Uhuru (under breath): "Chauvenist pig."
On the way to the transporter room, Kirk
stops off at the RedShirt holding pen and
selects one unlucky RedShirt to accompany
the brigde crew onto the small metal planetoid.
SCENE: Death Star Hallway
Six forms materialize. Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock,
Mr. Sulu, Mr. Chekov, Bones and the RedShirt
appear, phasers out and ready. Closeup on Redshirt's
face reveals beads of sweat on his forehead.
Eight Stormtroopers round the corner.
ST#1: "There are the intruders. Blast 'em!"
All eight Stormtroopers open fire. All eight hit
the RedShirt. The Enterprize's bridge crew return
fire, obliterating the Stormtroopers.
Kirk: "That wasn't so tough. My shirt didn't
even get ripped."
Bones (kneeling over RedShirt's body):
"He's dead, Jim."
Kirk:"Who?"
Bones: "Ensign... whatsizname? The RedShirt."
Kirk: "Oh! Him! Yeah, well... we have more."
A doorway at the end of the hall slides open.
The omnimous form of Darth Vader fills the
doorway. He is flanked by two Stormtroopers.
Kirk (to crew): "Oh good! Another bad guy!"
Kirk (to Vader): "We come in peace!"
Kirk (to crew): "Phasers on kill!"
The Enterprize's bridge crew open fire,
concentrating on Vader.
Vader raises his hand and dissipates
the energy of the phaser beams.
Spock: "Our phasers seem to have no effect on
him, Captain."
Kirk: "We'll just have to take him out
in hand to hand. Use your nerve pinch."
Spock advances on Vader, makes it about three feet
then turns to Kirk.
Spock (strained voice): "Captain, I am experiencing a
bizarre lack of oxygen. I belive this entity is..."
Spock keels over. Kirk has one of his infamous
melodramatic moments, yelling
something unintelligible. Kirk charges Vader.
There is a brilliant red-white flash
visual effect accompanied by a snap-hiss sound
effect. Kirk falls down, in two entirely
seperate directions, then disolves. His shirt is
ripped, but it's too late to save him.
Closeup on each of the Enterprize's bridge crew
exchanging amazed looks.
(Sulu doesn't look entirely displeased.)
Sulu(into communicator): "Scotty, beam us up!"
Sulu (to no-one in particular):
"I've always wanted to say that."
The remaining bridge crew dematerialize.
Vader kicks Kirks clothes on his way back to
the Death Star's command room.
SCENE: Enterprize Bridge The bridge crew race to
their positions. Sulu assumes command and
sits in the comfy chair.
SCENE: Death Star Command Room Grand Moff Tarkin
stands looking thoughtfully
at a large display screen. Vader stands
nearby.
Tarkin (to DS gunnery crew):
"You may fire when ready."
Gunnery crew members start pulling levers and
pushing buttons.
SCENE: Enterprize bridge Chekov: "They zeem
to be powering up zome zort of energy veapon!"
SCENE: Death Star Innards Two precariously placed,
unlucky DS crew members cower as
a brilliant beam of energy streaks past them down a
long tunnel.
SCENE: Enterprize bridge Sulu (yelling): "SHIELDS!"
SCENE: Space - Several small beams of energy fuse
into one really big one.
The beam strikes the Enterprize.
Nifty explosion visual effect.
SCENE: DS Command Center
Tarkin : "Well that wasn't so tough."
Vader: "We lost eight Stormtroopers."
Tarkin: "Well, we have more."
FADE OUT.