August, 2002. - With Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert

*I'm not going to lie to 'yall, there's some things that are missing from this transcript, there's been a couple of edits, I think just one sentence is left out of this. My bad.

Jon Stewart:
We know that the Whitehouse declined this invitation from Iraq, but congress didn't, how does congress feel about it?

Stephen Colbert:
Congress has put on a brave face, but I think that they are pretty upset. Congress feels like they never get to do anything cool. The Whitehouse lets the other branches of government do whatever they want. The justice department gets to hold and arrest anyone they please, defense gets to blow stuff up, and homeland security gets to put cameras in public toilets and that's not even a department yet, Jon! Congress just wanted this one thing, but no!

Jon:

But to be fair to the Whitehouse, Hussein is a notorious despit.

Stephen:
True, but Bush explained that it would be different if it was an invitation from someone he felt more comfortable with, but frankly, the Whitehouse knows little about Hussein, and what his parents have heard, it doesn't like. Gassing the Kuds, for instance.

Jon:
How do you think this situation is expected to play out?

Stephen:
Well, congress could very well defy the president, leading bush no option but to ground them. Then, they'll probably get a tattoo, or pierce something out of spite.

Jon:

Stephen, I have one extra question: how old is your daughter now?

Stephen:
Fourteen going on forty.

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