Airdate: March, 2002
With Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert
Jon:
What did you think of this specific trailer?
Stephen:
Jon, I loved it. The special effects were mind-blowing, the editing was
crisp, Jimmy Smitz was in it, I don't want to tell you the ending, but what
the heck, I'll just show it to you:
(announcer)
Your first chance to see the trailer for Star Wars -
Stephen:
Look at this, for those of you who don't know how to read, they're telling you
that this is the exact same trailer you can see this Friday during previews
before the showing of the new Fox Animation classic Ice Age! I have got
to see that!
Jon:
Ice Age?
Stephen:
No, the new Star Wars trailer!
Jon:
But...its the same trailer you just saw on tv.
Stephen:
Right! But its going to be on the big screen! In a big theatre! I
cannot stress to you the largeness of it will incrase its size! You see at home,
I'm bigger than my tv, but in the movie theater, the screen dwarfs me! The tv
trailer has only wet my appetite! The feast is Friday!
Jon:
So you're really looking forward to this movie?
Stephen:
No.
Jon:
Did you not like Episode One?
Stephen:
No, I loved the trailer, but I heard the movie was terrible! It was like
133 minutes! I can watch thirty to fourty trailers during that amount of time.
Jon:
You just like trailers?
Stephen:
What's not to like, Jon! I mean you got the buttery-voiced narrator asking you
to 'imagine a world' where something happens, or 'every so often a film comes
along...' that does something. I love the excitement when a trailer is fun and
upbeat and then you hear that needle scratch, like reetteettccch,
and everything sorta stops and then someone mugs for the camera like 'wha, wha
wha?!' or when someone's about to say a dirty word and then they cut to a
tanker explosion, like 'suck my - (makes a 'BOOOM!' sound) '
That that my friend is trailer-tainment!
Jon:
It is, it is.
Stephen:
Yeah!
Jon:
You, you don't like movies at all?
Stephen:
I love movies, Jon. I just don't see why they have to be so long. You know
nobody walks out of trailers because they're perfect. There is nothing in this
world that would be better in trailer-form I mean take this Star Wars commentary
for instance. Wouldn't it of been a lot better if we had done it like this?
(trailer starts)
Stephen (buttery-voiceover) :
In a world where one man loved it:
Stephen (regular voice):
Jon, I loved it! Jimmy Smitz was in it!
(needle scratch)
Stephen (buttery-voiceover):
He's about to get more than he bargained for...
Stephen (regular voice):
I'm pregnant.
(action movie stuff happens, like Stephen about to make out with a staffer on
the TDS desk, some explosions, I think...)
Stephen (regular voice):
Movies are just watered-down trailers!
Stephen (buttery-voiceover):
The Stephen Colbert Trailer Commentary ... Winner of the Coveted Palm Noir...
Stephen (regular voice):
SUCK MY -
(explosion)
Stephen : (buttery-voiceover):
Coming to The Daily Show three minutes ago...