I saw Private Parts!
Here's the long and boring story...
The Edge (WQBK 103.9fm Albany) was giving away tickets to the Albany premiere all week. I was trying to call in to win them, always coming so close to winning but never actually. So, it's Wednesday morning and Todd Shuman says "To win the last pair of tickets come down to Crossgates Mall bearing your Edge at 5 o'clock. At 6 we'll draw a name for the tickets, and one for a standee". So, I went to their webpage, saved the logo, printed it out, and taped it to a hat and t-shirt. I get there with my friend Triffid at 5:50, fill out the entry form, take some free stuff, and anxiously await the drawing. Up to the entrance of the movies on the third floor. Todd draws name number one, not me. Then, he draws for another pair of tickets that he "just found". Not me. Some guys who were WAY OVER DRESSED storm of cursing. Triffid and I were laughing. We stick around cause I know he said they were going to give away the rare soundtrack-CD that was only given to radio stations. Todd comes back around 5 minutes later and says he just got another pair of tickets, and would give them to whoever could do the best Ben Stern impression. He asked for volunteers, some guy steps forward and says "shut up sit down", wasn't great. Another guy tries it. Then, I raise my hand, step up to the mike, say "I told you not to be stupid you moron". Todd says "I think we have a winner! Hands down the best! Do you have anyone with you, cause he'll be happy to know you got him into the premiere to Private Parts!" Great! I won! He hands me the passes and Triffid and I walk in and get seats to the theater. Everyone crowds in within the half hour we wait. Around 7pm Todd comes in and tells everyone to look under their seats. The station put about 10 envelopes under selected seats, in them are the names of what they won. Some people won the radio-station copy of the CD, some got movie passes, and dog-tags. Todd then said he'd give a copy of the CD to people who can do the best impression of Jackie Martling. I, of course wanting the CD, waved my arms and he said come on up. Me and 3 others were up in front of the movie theater in front of about 300 people, it was great! The first guy does his impression, then the second, third, then me. I was debating whether or not to do a "nigger" joke I've heard Jackie do but I didn't want to get my ass beaten after the movie, so instead I said in my best Jackie voice "Hey! I'm Jackie the Jokeman! This sucks! Why am I only in the movie for two seconds! They should make a movie about me!. Howard should pay me more! This sucks!" Everyone was laughing with my jokes, the other guys didn't do jokes except the second who recited one of Jackie's jokes. I thought I had it. The guy next to me said to me he thought I'd win too. Todd started with me for the voting, and ended with the first guy, who won. Oh well. After that, he said "Head's Up!" and threw about 10 of the dog-tags into the crowd. Finally, the time was here. Todd introduced himself like on the radio and said "You guys have been great, and like I have to do on the radio -- here's Rocky in the Traffax Command Center". Rocky's voice comes on talking about the traffic to Crossgates Mall for the premiere, saying Fuck and Shit which were bleeped. It was okay funny, Triffid didn't get it, probably because he doesn't get the radio show. Everyone in the audience was so enthused. People yelling "F The FCC!" and "F Timmy". Each "F" was followed by an even funnier one. It was great! "F Penelope Chiusano!" was my contribution. Then, the lights go down and the coke commercial with Sylvester Stallone and Tom Arnold starts. People were yelling "F Sly!" and "F Rosanne!" It was great!... but I've said that already! The previews start, everyone eventually quieted down, still the occassional "F-someone!" chant. The movie started and everyone shut up...
...When the movie ended, people started to leave, but, if you've listened to the radio show you know there are scenes during the credits. I guess they didn't know this. I won't give them away for those who haven't seen the movie, but I'll give you a hint -- scenes from the commercials are in them.
Howard, keeping the story consistent although making some alterations for drammatic effect, made a great movie -- one that will be around for a long time! All the acting was genuine, from Howard to Robin to Alison (played by Mary McCormack). Even the kids who played Howard at his other ages were great. Hell, Jackie was great! The guy who steals the show though HAS TO BE FRED NORRIS. There were some absolutely comedicly perfect scenes that Fred stole, especially the constantly mentioned "bath-tub" scene! Private Parts kicks ass! It was just like Howard and everyone has been saying. It has a good story, it flows very well, and you can't believe its over when it ends! I went again on Friday to see this movie, and probably will go see it 5 more times! The funny thing is, my friend who was with me seemed to be laughing more than I was. I think it has to do with the fact that I know Howard and have read the book, so I was always thinking "Hey, I remember that!" and "No, Howard's hair wasn't like that when this happened... or was it?", therefore critiqueing every scene according to the book, however the second time I watched it it seemed I did this less. This is why I urge all non-fans to go and see this movie as well!!!! You will love it, and learn a thing or two or three-thousand about Howard. TRUST ME -- my mother hates Howard, but I know if I can convince her to go she'll love it! If you can look past the fact that it's Howard Stern, and watch it for what it is: a comedy movie, then you will totally understand Howard once the movie is over, leaving the theater happy and having excercised your diaphragm from all the laughing!
The movie is rated "R" for nudity and cursing
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