| The Boy | My little brother, unlike most siblings we get along great. |
| The Parental Units | My mom is always, or almost always happy and my dad is, umm, well, we love him too. |
| Flo-B | Drives a big yellow Caprice, got dumped and went back to college, came home, crashed his big yellow Caprice, and needs to get a job and get "un-dumped". |
| Jeremy | Alright, Jeremy, I take back all the mean things that I said... not |
| Triffid | The "how'deknowdat" man, you got a 'puter question ask him. He'll have a great sounding answer to give you. |
| Jake | He's like the neighborhood spaz, you'll see him on the greasy side. |
| Kris Swanson |
Just ask Flo-B about her. (Brian says: She's a minky little sex-kitten) |
| Monkey | Our hitman that works for peanuts, or should I say bananas. Jock boy. |
| Zack | He's the Adobe Photoshop LE source. Twinkie-Boy (according to Flo-B) |
| Tina Turner | You've gotta know Ted to be able to like him, and even then it's hard. He saved some old lady from a burning house (we have to wonder if he lit the fire to get into the paper as a hero...) |
| Tim and Devin | Tim is Mr. Itsallgood and I hope Devin likes it in New Jersey. |
| The Barn People | There's Denice, Amy, Nicole, Sandy, Val, and other people who occasionally drop in. |
| Demitrius a.k.a. D.D. | Another one of us managing freaks. I think she's related to Brad G. |
| Dustin Facteau | He's into Phish, no that's an understatement, Phish is his life. He also swims. |
| Kenny L. | He's the only one in the Upper Sherm crew that doesn't smell. |
| Westie | Man, that kid lives on Easy Street. He'll tell you your car sucks. |
| Guyline | We've known each other too long, way too long. |
| Dennis | Got rid of all the chickens, but wants to get geese. |
| Anyone That I Forgot | These people probably want to kill me now. |