The 'Andru Badeira' page

NOTE: I do not hate Ford Probes. This page is a satirical account based on a certain person who at the time owned a Ford Probe
"Be forewarned! The following is purely, completely, 100%, generally unsubstantiated, cynical & satirical opinion. If you don't like to hear others' opinions, then stop reading now. Reading below this paragraph, or reading any of the content of the next page, indicates a waiving of your, or anyone related or connected to or associated with you in any matter, way, shape, or form, right to persue retributive, punitive, disciplinary or any action considered negative by the authors, against the others of this list. Additionally, anyone to whom you expose, in any matter, way, shape, or form, the contents of this list must acknowledge the above waiver of rights before learning our opinions of the persons whose names appear on the list below. In other words, read at your own risk - we claim no responsibility for the feelings or reactions or anyone exposed, in any manner, way, shape, or form, to the contents of this list. Once we've written this, it's hands off - we are no longer involved."
(This OVERLY fragmented and use of commas disclaimer ©1997 Andru Badeira)

The World According To Pete

I just thought that everyone should know the facts about these two vehicles, so they could better judge the situation. And of course, any likeness to some fat slob who goes around kicking cars that he could only wish to own, is completely unintentional, and therefore can be deemed as coincidental.

FACT: Brian has a 305 small block V8 in his 1985 Chevy Caprice Classic

FACT: An(d)y one who doesn't know that there hasn't been A Caprice Classic produced with a big block in it since 1976, well I'm sure you all can find nasty names of your own to call them.

My Caprice Classic... a car that kicks Probes' ass
FACT: The 305 small block in Brian's car can out perform, out power, out accelerate, and out last some piece of shit mazda 2.2 4 cylinder that just happens to be in many Ford Probes, including an unmentioned one that we all know and refrain from kicking (even though the temptation may be overwhelming to do so) on a daily basis.

FACT: The 305 small block gets excellent fuel economy, considering the size of the engine, and it probably is equivalent to the fuel economy of a certain unmentioned Ford Probe, when that unknown car is beaten around the town Queensbury at incredibly stupid rates of speed.

FACT: The 1985 Caprice Classic has been proven in crash tests to perform better than the 1989 Ford Probe, and for that matter, better than any ford sedan produced in the year of 1989, including a shit brown Probe that will soon be wrecked by it's totally incompetent driver, who's name will not be mentioned.

Another pic of my tank FACT: If this shit brown Probe were to be involved in a head on collision with a Caprice, well the effects would be devastating, because, the only thing that outweighs the caprice is the owner of that unnamed shit brown Probe that has been the topic of this e-mail.

FACT: The bass in the Caprice Classic and every GM vehicle outfitted with the delco AM/FM Stereo Decks is cleaner and more balanced than any distorted MTX single sub-woofer that is sold to incredibly stupid people who buy car stereo stuff at Ray Supply, and pay hundreds of dollars more than it is worth.... so they can be "cool"

Questions? Comments? E-mail me back! Oh and one more FACT... the behavior displayed by a certain person on Saturday, January 25, 1997 in the driveway of the Karr residence was a clear sign of immaturity, jealousy, and social discordance with the unnamed person's peers, and therefore should be shunned from social events until the unnamed party submits a formal apology to the owner of the vehicle that was assaulted that evening (preferably via E-Mail, due to the harsh reality that we are all computer nerds and losers). If the apology is not issued in a reasonable amount of time, then us "Losers" will have to make a special effort to make the unnamed person's life a miserable existence, a living hell, which we are quite capable of doing. Next time think twice before kicking a large yellow vehicle... it could mean the difference between progressing to a new low or just maintaining the pathetic status you have attained in the past few months.

Visit the author of this letter's Web Page, or email him,
or go back to the Caprice's owner Brian's Web Page, or email him at ShitBrown[email protected]

For all who are incapable of understanding Andru's bombastic and superflous manner of speech, let me translate....

(Written from the perspective of a Hypocrit)

I, Andru Badeira, in the best interest of myself, hereby declare everything in the world bullshit, unless it is mine. I am going to attempt to inflict my views of everything in the world onto everyone. I feel that I have the right to voice my opinion, but no one else in the world has it, unless I can manipulate every letter of what they say. Even though I feel that you have no right to say or do anything, and everyone in the world is shit unless they are controlled by me, I would like you to still be my friend.

Why sign your spirit to the devil, when you can give it to Andru instead?

All be warned, when in the presence of Andru allow yourself to be manipulated by him, if you do not follow this advice please be aware that you are very susceptible to injury from a volital explosion of petulance, immaturity, and unprovoked attack. If you see signs of such an explosion, hide your car, he might try and kick it.

- Pete Blackbird

  • Caprice Refurbished?

    Here are some of the responses we've been getting from this page!
    Most recent are listed first...
    i read your page and i am not here to argue with you.. but simply to 
    tell you that you have some wrong stats about the Probe GT..
    Did you know that an 89-92 stock probe GT's horsepower is 
    underrated,, and that the actual horsepower at the crank is 185,.. 
    What does this mean??
    Well.. as an owner of a ford probe,, which is completely stock,, i 
    can tell you that It can do 0-60 in 6.7 seconds... and quarter mile 
    in 15.2 seconds...
    I don't think your car can do this,, but if i am wrong.. let me know,
    Also.. the probe has an automatic suspension Control which 
    automatically adjusts the stiffness to the way you are driving...
    And just to let you know,, the probe GT turbo is very good on gas,, 
    as long as you don't floor it the whole time....
    And lets face it,, which car looks better>>>???
    Thanks for listenin
    hey whats up i got an 84 caprice classic w/ a 305 and it hauls asssss!!!!! Im known around town for leaving posi strips at stop signs and red lights all over. the gas pedal in "the Titanic" is touchy, but thats to my advantage. and i totally agree that probes suck!! a kid in my auto class had one and he said my car wouldn't do 0-60 in a weekend. Man did he look like a retard when i passed him doing over 100 in a 40 zone, he probably shit his pants. what else can i say other than old chevys never die!!!
    I would just like to add to your very funny letters on your webpage. Never have I been more amused to see some people think theyre probes are fast. I have a friend with a probe GT turbo with a 5 speed. While they are pretty 94 lumina 4-door 3.4 has had no problem leaving it in the dust many times. and my lumina runs 15.5 in the quarter..consistantly. I love caprices and i own one myself. Its a 94' 9C1 and i suggest you pick one up if you have the chance. I paid 2200 bucks for it through police auction. I can gurantee itll smoke any probe and any stock shit-stang. Ive done it many times. With a very dirty air ran low 14's at the track, and is capable of much much more. Theyve got posi and the whole bit, ive left dual black strips on many roads. Do about 25-30 mph and step on it...itll slam you back into your seat as the tires sqeal as it grabs first gear. No probe stands a chance. CHEVY POWER!
    From: BRIAN Ford Probes resemble logs in a toilet! Much like all that small foreign junk with wimpy engines.
    hi. the name is steve. i'm from canada and your caprice is lookin' good. i own a 85 classic as well. as we speak, i am putting a 427 big block that's pushing about 470hp.3.73 gears.dual flowmasters. just with the stock 305 and changing my tranny from a 700r4 to a 350 turbo made it fly. i have beaten 5.0 mustangs and camaros and even those japoon cars, hell a cavalier can beat the japoons anyday. get more horsepower by just getting a napa brand carb kit and slap some sae 50 weight oil ( compression in a bottle )in the crank. also, flip the breather upside down to hear the quadrajet moan like a son of a whore! ford suck big donkey dick, and i don't know why they would even think that there fast cars, i can run faster than those pieces of shit. if your in n.b. , look for snot green caprice that has crossflags bearing the 427 emblem. thanks steve doussaud grand bay,new brunswick, canada [email protected]
    Brian, I saw a reference to your Caprice vs Probe web page on a mail list that I subscribe to. I thought your page was very funny and I understand your feelings on the subject quite well. <snip> I've been unfortunate enough to see the amount of damage a caprice can sustain and still be drivable. My dad was T-boned by a pickup in his old '84 Impala (we bought 2 '84's at the same auction) and recently I T-boned a Dodge Neon that blew threw a stop sign with my '88 Caprice (neither accident was our fault). All I'll say is that they are VERY tough cars. I commend you on not resorting to violence to settle your beef with that car assaulting jerk. Although the old saying 'violence is the last resort of the incompetent' always rings through my head, I don't know if I would have been able to keep my cool if I saw someone kicking my car out of malice. Salvatore
    I'm surprised the fool who kicked your door isn't dead yet! I treat my Caprice Classic 1981 with tender loving care. These cars are without flaw! (well, maybe the paint could have been better) For a year I was forced to drive a 1991 Ford Tempo. It also had a 2.2 litre 4 cylinder engine similar to the model of the probe. That engine sucked ass beyond human imagination. When I had to get on the onramp of the highway, I pressed the accelerator to the floor and the car barely moved. Now, when I tap my accelerator on my Caprice, the car blazes forward. the 305 with the 4 bbl carb hauls serious ass. Oh, and even, by some weird fluke of life, the probe won, who cares? The Caprice is luxurious like a Cadillac, big like a boat, powerful enough to tow trailers and you see ten times more Caprices on the road then Ford Probes and Tempo's combined. Your friend is delusional. My Caprice may be close to 2.5 tons, but it will still go fast, ride smooth, and kill yo mama. thanks... Ed
    Howdy doo!!!! My name is Luigi and I am the VERY PROUD owner of a beautiful 1980 chevy caprice classic. It also has a 305 v8, and I love it!!! I'm 17 years old (18 in one month exactly) and i would love to maybe get in touch with other proud owners and see what they think. I found the "build sheet" (the piece of paper that went with the car as it headed down the assembly line) and it showed the car to be finished 5 days after i was born!!!! April 15, 1980!!! therefore, I am very close to it...I baby it and feed it premium and so forth, i love it and I have driven my friends ford probe and it SUCKS ROYALLY!!!! I have driven many other cars, and none has the lap of luxuary, the presence, or the style than my caprice. It's the coolist!!! See ya! Luigi
    I used to hate Fords. I really really hated them. I've come around quite a bit and now own a '92 Crown Victoria. If the General hadn't first turned the Caprice into a Hudson look-alike, complete with funny side skirts, and then discontinued it, I'd probably own a Caprice instead. In this part of the country, the police mostly used Crown Vics even before the Caprice was discontinued. Also, around the late '80s consumer reports started rating the Crown Vic as most reliable American car. Anyway, I'm amazed I'm a Ford owner now but I'm pretty happy with the car. I trashed the tranny doing too many full-throttle starts, and when I took it they said this tranny has some problems (point to the General). I found what I think is a pretty good tranny shop and they knew enough to put in a special shift kit to improve the shift regime. The Ford engineers really don't know how to make a good tranny. They put too much stress on inadequate parts given the chosen shift schedule, which involves a kickdown from fourth straight down to first at highway speed. The results are pretty exciting, especially given the size of the car, but do that too often and you need a new tranny pretty quickly. These guys I found swapped out a cracked drum and put in some thicker plates of various kinds, drilled some holes to allow fluid to move in new and different ways, and changed the shift schedule to prevent radical shiffts. Now it goes quickly through 3 and 2 before reaching 1. After a quick stop and start it's in 2 briefly then 1 and back up through the gears. They said they do this for all the local police. My car is navy blue and drive around in Boston area a lot. It helps. It's a good car to have in this part of the country. I used to have a small car and had a lot of problems. Now it is as though I'm driving in Nebraska. I have a lot less stress. I probably shouldn't say anything lest my luck run out and I start getting run off the road again. Well, these big V-8s sure are a trip! I'm reasonably certain the Vic could dust a Probe in most circumstances. The steering is godawful and I would probably have a problem in the twisties, but I bet if I put on some thick Addco solid-steel sway bars with elastomer bushings and some better rubber I'd have a solid chance even in the bends. I've already replaced the OEM shocks with some nice KYBs. These provide much better damping. The frame could use some improvement, you can tell it has a tendency to vibrate at low frequency. I mean it should be stiffer. It's too bad. If they'd invested a little more engineering in these cars, Caprice included, they could have offered something really formidable. I guess that is what they did with the Impala SS. That would be a nice car to have, but it's too flashy for my taste. They should have made it much lower key, maybe with flat black baja wheels like what's his face's Vic in "Heat." That Vic was a very cool, low-profile ride. I've known people with Explorers, Vettes, even 911s. They all have the hip machines. SUV appeal is a total mystery to me. Crash a Vette and you explode into a rolling ball of fiberglass shards. 911s are nice, but why a truly-excellent VW has to cost so much is incomprehensible, and if you have more than one friend you're #$%^ out of luck. Long-live RWD V-8 American sedans. To me, these offer the best balance of affordability, durability, interior space and passenger carrying capacity, as well as decent power and better-than OK acceleration times, better-than-SUV fuel economy, no SUV tippiness, faster than anything but a $50,000 Accord, er, I mean Acura, or a $100K VW. These cars lack refinement, fit and finish quality, and handling, but they've got everything else very much under control. And people who are older than you will call you "Sir." I rest my case.
    Well what the big debate against chev...the usual or is it you against the ass hole driving the probe. The person driving the probe is probably as incompentant as you say. I am how ever a hug ford fan.... and the owner of a 94 Probe GT...and a 86 Mustang as well as a 87 pick up 4X4...I believe that are good vehicles... none of them have ever let me down. The Mustang breaks some parts because it is Drag raced regulary. I am from Oshawa Ont. I do not believe that a 3800 lbs car plus driver with a motor that is reted at 170 horse power (looked it up) could beat a GT probe that weighs 2300lbs and a 2.5 liter 160 horse motor with a 7000 redline may i add. A SE 4 cylinder, yes...But thats no competition. That would be like racing my mustang witch turns low 11's against your car. The SE is made for enocomy. Your 305 is in there because it has to push a car the size of a house around...not performance. No matter what kind of vehicles you drive there are awalys going to be assholes out there that cannot drive. The thing That is hard to say is which car is better in a crash test.... the ford recieved a four star rating for the passanger side and a perfect five star for the drivers side ( in a head on collision). The caprice has no airbags or ABS or any type of safety type equipment...though it has a stronger frame. Frames have awalys been stronger that unibodies. My point being a Ford fan is dont judge us for what some other asshole did...judge us by our tail light as we blow on by you......By the way if you ever get that led sled down to the it to my bone stock Probe's ET of 15.8 @ 94 MPH...not bad for a stock car...but if you ever get serious and want to race.... I'll get the Mustang off the trailor and see who wins. Good luck with your car...My friens is presently working on a caprice SS he calls it it now has a 383 stroker in turns 13.2 on slicks....not bad for a tank... Looking for a race in Canada? look for the plate QTR HRSE. Thats Quater Horse for those of you that are a bit slow.... ARBOC RACING e mail [email protected]
    Any one into car performance would know that a Chevy 305 V8 4bbl has more horse power than the 2.2 liter 4 cylinder that they put into the 93 Ford Probes. Ford Probes are not real sport cars. Ask anyone into sport cars. A true test of a sport car is racing in the Lemans with Porshe, Jaguer, Mercedes, and Ferarri. A Ford Probe whold not be consider raced in this race. A definition of a sports car is: a car that can be driven, raced in its engine class, and have a resonable chance of winning. The Probe would be classed with the small Ferarri and would not win. That is why Ford does not race in this race,anymore. Yeah, a Caprice whould be lost on curvy roads but in a straight line it would suck the paint off of your car only if you haven't replaced the engine in your car with a high performance V6 or V8. I have a Caprice and I haven't had problems with gas. I had a Ford 4 cylinder and this car I have now gets just as good of gas milleage. It is better than a Corsica I had which was desroyed by a Ford truck that ran a red-light. If a car is properly maintained gas milleage will not decrease by much. My car is not a hunk of junk. In 2 yrs it is going to be put in a garage because when it gets 20 years old it will be worth $$$$$$$$$$$. Go ask experts........If the Probe is a good car??????Why do the police use Caprices???????? Most police departments use Chevrolet. Police departments must have fast reliable cars. IMAGINE THAT.
    Way to go!!!!! I have owned quite a few cars already in my life time. Recently it was a 1992 Chevy Corsica but it was destroyed by a moronic Ford owner who ran a red light. I loved that car but its replacement is much better. Though the Corsica could perform better on curvy roads, I love my 1986 Caprice Classic better!!!!! It feels like the road belongs to me!!!! And I can't keep my foot out of that 4 bbl. And it sure is a hell of a lot better than a Ford Probe. If someone kicks my "baby", I hope they have good hopital insurance!!!! Chevy Rules!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!................. Sourkrautm
    I just read your letter. I have a 305 Caprice Classic my self. And if any body tuched my car I would hert them to ware they arn't dead but they are in a lot of pain. But it does all change when it comes to them if they own a Ford. I would take my Caprice Tow the Ford 8 miles away Key th shit out of it I would not take anything because Fords are made of Shit and it's not worth anything. It this unknown person does not say he's sorry that might be a good idea. since the 305 can destroy any ford.In fact any Chevy could destroy any Ford. My Caprice is a 1986 Brougham. It is a dark maroon color but it is faded right now. It has only 50,000 miles on it a 3 speed 350 trans.. It does not have posi but I wish it did. But I also wish I could have a 1996 Impla SS black on black with black tinted windows. But for now a PSI Caprice would do with a push bumper. Do you know where I can order a Push Bar for my Caprice like the cops have so I can get all the slow ass fords out of my way faster.
    After reading your whole webpage on the beastly warbitch CAPRICE, I must congratulate you on your fine taste in automobiles. I myself have driven '84 CAPRICE station wagons since I first started driving, and have nothing but respect for them and their tremendous survivability. Even the petty blows of probe( who names a car a "Probe?") owner will roll off like water, and so do deer and traffic signs. There is something strangely satisfying about driving an enormous slab of steel through a crowd of plastic lunchboxes on wheels, sometimes straight through! Anyhow, changing one's air filter on a regular basis prevents restriction in the intake, and keeps your engine from starving for air. As much as 20 horsepower can be gained with a low restriction air filter! I myself would like to pass along the tip, that you should never buy fuel at one of those super cheap-o gas stations unless it is Premium... lower grades of fuel often have additives like detergents to keep them clean enough. This is fine if you own a shit brown probe, because it is fuel injected, but the CAPRICE you know and love has a carburetor (at least the 80's cars). These detergents will eat away the needles in your carburetor because they contain Methanol! I hate to be boring, but yu can be sure that any V8 car driven sensibly will outperform any coffee grinder four banger that's whipped all day, and last longer too! By the way, CAPRICE station wagons have been called the safest cars in the world until the advent of airbags. Good old Inertia!
    FACT: The 92 Caprice is bigger and faster and has airbags.....3 more things that beat the Forzda probe. Topher
    Hey, my name is David, and I'm 17 years old, I just loved your web page. I myself drive a '84 Chevy Caprice Classic. It looks almost exactly the same as yours (except with wire wheels). I am about the most in love person with the Caprice Classic. My dream is to own a '73 Caprice Classic some day. I hate stupid piece of Shit Fords. All Fords suck *#^@. I am very disturbed about the retirement of the Caprice. Although sales where a little low, I don't understand why they took it out of production. I myself think it was a not so smart idea. I wish I could get a Caprice PC1 (Police Package). But I doubt that will happen. Well as my last words I would like to say GENUINE CHEVROLET CAPRICE CLASSIC'S KICK ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! That's all, David L.
    Hey man, I don't know, but I love the Chevrolet Caprice Classic that is made in the 90's and even earlier models, engines out perform any fucked up Ford, and now that the police people switched on to the Crown Victoria, they are not happy with the cheap piece of shit at all! Caprice RULLLLLLLLESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mourat Jamoukhanov ([email protected])
    As a proud owner of a Ford Probe GT, I would like to say that by no means is that fat slob associated with Ford, Mazda, or any other ford owner in the country. I would also like to bring to your attention, that the brown Ford Probe mentioned had, in no way, chosen to be purchased, owned or driven by the fat slob mentioned. I'm quite sure that the Probe if given a chance to choose would pick a much better owner than the fat slob. As for the challange of caprice vs. probe. I would be more than happy to pick up the gauntlet. ;) -Hatt -Ford Probe GT Website
    Pete, Yes, I may be late in reading your public crucifixion (spelling?) of the aforementioned slob, but I like your style. The take-charge manner in which you handled the offence is inspiring. The slob probably would not have guessed he'd be humiliated world wide. I'm from Canada and as a Canadian I think that guy's a loser. However, contrary to my efforts to ban these people from procreating, they still persist in their miserable existences! I can relate to your letter because I have a similar problem with a fool who lives 4 doors down. Every time I take out my summer car(a modefied for drag racing Ford) for a drive I hear the oil-burning wheeze of his beat up Z-24. The loser always screams by my lane at 50 miles an hour, in town! The tragedy is that I own a mint Z-24 myself (he doesn't know). Losers like that must be silenced (gassed if possible) We must lobby the government, flood the newspapers and tell it on the mountain: losers can't be allowed to reproduce! E. Rothwell [email protected]

    Visit Brian's Caprice Page here.

    DISCLAIMER: For all I care, Andru Badeira does not exist. He is a fictional character based on a person that many people have had to associate with one way or another, or not. Andru Badeira is very opinionated, narrow-minded, and biased against anyone who crosses him. And since in his opinion that would be most people, he has a lot of enemies. A certain event which he though he would pass through unscathed and untouched has made me realize how oblivious he is to other people and the fact that they have feelings too, so much in fact that the victim's of his very rarely publicly-shown opinions have threatened him and anyone remotely involved, with much physical damage done already. He should have learned by now that if you have an opinion about somebody, the first place to take it is directly to them, at least before you go blabbing it to everyone behind their back. For the record, my only involvement in his latest "unbottling of the soul" is that I am mentioning it here. Thank God Andru Badeira does not exist - this planet has enough assholes that we have to deal with on a daily basis as it is. The fictional character of Andru Badeira that demonstrates the worst of them, luckily, is just that - fictional, and any similarity to someone living or dead is purely coincedental, but is extremely likely due to the similarities expressed by the nature of the character to those of certain people that, unfortunately, we have to exist with in reality.