HOWARD HEADLINES AND VIEWER MAIL
This page showcases a collection of stories and articles written by Stern
Stern Fans as well as e-mail I have received based on stories presented
on this site.
ENTER YOUR STERN NEWS!!
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Jump to the Headlines!
Headline from T. Ruiz at
El Paso Coming Soon...
My name is T. Ruiz and I am researching the start-up a Class C FM "ROCK"
radio station in El Paso, TX because of the fact that Howard was taken
off the air here. I have been working on this project for about 9
months now, and once the radio station gets up and running, Howard will
be back on El Paso radio. I feel that everybody should know some of the
reasons why Howard was taken off the air in El Paso. One of the reasons
was because of the Selena incident. The majority of the the El Paso
population is Hispanic and even though 90% of them didn't hear the show,
they complained to city officials, so LULAC (a hispanic legal
organization) got involved and began threatening to boycott the radio
station (which was carrying Howard in the morning at the time) and the
advertisers. Eventually Howard's contract came to an end and the AM
radio station did not renew it. Another reason he was taken off the air
was because the FM station he was originally on, was bought out by El
Paso's so-called "ROCK" station. So Howard was taken off of the FM
station that they had bought out, and put Howard on an AM station that
they also own. When it was time to renew the contract, the radio
station did not want to pay that high of a price for Howard since they
had another morning crew on their "Rock" FM station called "Buzz and
Patty in the morning". It just goes to show that El Paso definitely
doesn't have ANY good radio stations, and I want to change that by
adding a second and better "Rock" station. If you have any questions or
comments please contact me at [email protected]
Headline from Ellen at
Attention Canadian Howard Stern fans,
I've been waiting a long time to get Howard on the air here in Canada
where I now reside. Of course like in all new markets, Howard has caused
some controversy here. It would be greatly appreciated by Q107 FM in
Toronto for fans to write to the CRTC ( Canadian Radio-Television and
Telecommunications Commission) in support of Howard's show. You must
write to them, E-mail is currently not acceptable. Here's the address:
Let's preserve freedom of speech here in Canada. Keep Howard on the air!
Headline from Marc Ehnes at
HAWAII DOES HAVE STERN FANS WHO NEED YOUR HELP!
Dear Howard Stern fans,
I was wondering if you could help with something. I live in hawaii and
we have a radio station call "Radio Free Hawaii" and they let us vote for the
music we want to listen to. Any way i was hoping you could put a link on your
page for this web page (http://www.lava.net/radio-free/vote.htm) and tell
people can go and vote for hardcharger plus any other songs they like. I
think that the top song for this week was 125 positive votes. So if we can
get just that many howard stern fans to vote for the song than he would be #1
just like that. Please E-mail me back either way. Make sure people only vote
once because they only allow one vote once a week. Please help me with this
we dont catch howard here and this will bring attention to him and the movie,
mabey they will even pick his show up (just dreaming)
Headline from Patricia Twohie at
[email protected] received 01-07-97...
CRACKHEAD BOB'S GREAT DATE
I woke up that morning on the day that doesn't exist knowing that I
would connect with the "KING OF ALL MEDIA"!!!! I turned it on as I do
every mornig and "Crack Head Bob" was on. They were talking about his
date and how it didn't work out (I'm torry) So Howard asked if anyone
would want to go on a date. I just piocked up the phone and called
the station, I got right on. I was on the air with Howard not knowing
he sounds so different on the phone. I was on a cordless and of
course he knew so I said, "would you like me to pick up a hard phone."
He loved that. We spoke for a bit and than he said, " I wouldn't wish
her on anybody" and he hung up. So I immediately called back changed
my whole personna and got the date. Howard said is this Fred's wife
Alison and I said no its Howard's.
They set us up the same day we went to PLANET HOLLYWOOD the date was
taped Gangi was there and two guys from E! It was alot of fun we had
a lot of laughs and ate alot of food. I told him what to eat he
wanted a tamburger. We spoke vonce after that but iot will always be
a great Stern moment in my mind. So many other things happened.
Headline from Joe DuPont at
[email protected] received 11-27-96...
JOHN MELENDEZ, also known as "Stuttering John", is a rock
guitarist and interviewer for the controversial Howard Stern show. He was
born October 4, 1965, in Massapequa, New York. An audio clip of his speech
reveals some of his dysfluencies. Around 1989, Melendez became an intern on
the Howard Stern show. For a few months, Melendez was a DJ on the NYC AM
affiliate Z-Rock (WZRC-1480). Rolling Stone, published a 2 page article on
Melendez written by Jay Martel (Sept. 5, 1991, pgs. 95-96) Melendez appeared
with Rock Slide, Vinny Mazzeo & Jody Bongiovi on the Joe Franklin Show. He
then played with a group named Mund and Rubber Beaver. In 1994, he released a
heavy metal music CD entitled, "Stuttering John". An audio clip of his
music is available on the Internet. Melendez currently lives in Manhattan
and Massapequa. His corporation is called "Cotton Brick." His hotline number
is (609)-546-STUPid [(609) 546-7887]. His manager Brian Kushner can be
Headline from Tyler Wehmeier at
[email protected] received 11-26-96...
WACKY PRODIGY HOWARD-SECT INFO
I thought you might like to know that firmntan, ( Howards attractive
prodigy cybersex partner and radio guest) has a web page with her husband.
The site contains the story behind the prodigy affair as well as the trip
to NY, Photos in various stages of undress, as well as plenty of amateur
nude pics of visitors to the site. They are known here as Mr. and Mrs.
Maytag and the address is
Headline from Grayson at
[email protected] received 6/29/96...
STANDING UP FOR HOWARD
I STARTED LISTENING TO THE STERN SHOW A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO AND NOW I LISTEN
TO IT EVERY DAY. I GET UP AT SIX JUST TO LISTEN. EVERYONE AROUND ME HATES
HOWARD BUT I STAND UP FOR MY HERO. I THINK HOWARD IS GOD AND SHOULD BE
GIVEN A NOBEL PRISE FOR BRING JOY TO SO MANY PEOPLE. AND TO HOWARD, NO
MATTER WHAT PEOPLE SAY ABOUT YOU, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY GOD AND I WILL ALWAYS
STAND UP FOR YOU. MAY HOWARD LIVE FOR EVER.
Headline from Sy at
[email protected] received 6/27/96...
WACK PACK MEMBER'S CD NOW AVAILABLE
You can buy Cpt. Janks crank phone calls on CD or casstte at 1-800 Music
Now. I heard Howard talk to Janks about his CD release this morning (6/27/96)
and I called and ordered one. I thought the fans that missed that this
morning should know. F- Timmy's skull!!!
Headline from Annie at
[email protected] received 6/24/96...
THE TRUTH ABOUT HIGHCOLONICS
- My name is Annie and I am a certified massage therapist and colon
therapist. I wanted to comment on your article on colonics. The info was
somewhat misinformative and this being my business I would like to clarify a
few things. Colonics is a real leap of faith for most. This is
understandable since it is a very personal procedure and is not "main
stream". I myself was very intimidated by them at first but this primarly
was due to my lack of knowledge and fear from all the horror stories I heard
about this so called "frighting" experience. I suffered for 3 years with
being chronicly sick to my stomach, finally when I could take no more and
had used all other resources I turned to colonics regardless of the things I
had heard. Thank god I did! I have not had any stomach distress since and
there have been other wonderful benefits as well, such as weight loss,
increase in energy, clearing of the skin, no more headaches and the list goes
- The procedure you explained was somewhat incorrect. The procedure is
only 30 to 40 min.long, not an hour and half. I am not putting your writing
down I am just saying that when people write about procedures that they have
not experienced or are not well informed about it presents an already
intimidating procedure in a bad light. It is my opinion that if the info was
presented informatively and without hang ups many more people would be able
to overcome their fear of it and be able to experiece the wonderful health
benifits this service has to offer. Cancer of the colon and rectum has now
taken over first place as the most common form of cancer in the United
States. This need not be so. Colonics and massage being my business I take
this stuff very seriously but I think we all should take the quality of our
health seriously. Colonics is just one way to help maintain good health and
it deserves support.
- Thank You,
Headline from Kyle at
[email protected] received 6/22/96...
LATEST KATHY LEE NEWS
- i found this article buried in the
back of the travel section of the Atlanta Journal Constitution's Sunday
June 23rd paper. Apparently the North American Marine Ministry
Association has urged Kathy Lee to stop promoting the Carnival Cruise
Line beacuse of Carnival's current lobbying effort to pass legislation
that would deny foreign seafarers in U.S. ports access to U.S. courts.
This legislation could also jeopardize the well being of foreign
seafarers by limiting the access of medical care for these workers since
they will have virtually no claim to medical benefits resulting from
injury or illness.
- Kathy Lee's spokesperson claims this is a cruise industry issue that is
not indigenous to Carnival Crusie Lines. While this is obvious enough,
if she is as genuinely concerned with the well being of foreign
workers as she claims to be, why continue to endorse an industry that
threatens the well being of foreign workers while in U.S. ports? Kathy
Lee has no comment at this time; her spokesperson says this is just an
attempt to "jump on the Kathy Lee Gifford bandwagon". I say the press is
finally catching up to her hypocritical and self indulgent personality.
Headline from Nathan at
[email protected] received 5/19/96...
ATTENTION STERN FANS!!!
It's unfortunate for Stern fans that there's not a lot of NEW Howard
related paraphenalia on the market these days. Well, now that's
changed. NEW to the market for Howard Stern fans is a professional
quality video documentary of the King's visit to San Francisco during
the Miss America Booktour.
For ordering information and to read a review of "In Howard We Trust",
written by Nick Simicich (the author of the Stern FAQ), click here:
Headline from Trobolitz at
[email protected] received 5/16/96...
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
I am a computer programmer from Northern Virginia who has
been an avid listener since 1982, when the Howard Stern Show
was broadcast from Washington DC. Recent problems with Fred
Norris have forced me to write this letter. Fred became
upset two weeks ago, threatened to quit, and then didn't
show up at your movie set, costing you time and money. The
fact that "Howard Stern" the man, is responsible for everything
and everyone that Fred has, is indisputable. However, what is
more important, is Fred's lack of loyalty to the show, and to
the fans of the show. His latest tirade proves that he is the
weak link in the Howard Stern Show chain, and can't be counted
on. I ask you, what would have happened if Howard had "quit"
after leaving DC 101? What would have happened if Howard had
left the radio business after being fired from NBC. What would
have happened if Howard had given up after the FCC fines? The
facts are-that Howard Stern is no quitter. Never has been.
Never will be. And that is why America and the First Amendment
will be forever in his debt.
I'm sick and tired of Fred's irrational outbursts, infrequent
as they may be. Gary has taken abuse for many years, but has
shown up for work in a consistent and timely fashion. Jackie's
persistent career failures and non-stop drug use have not kept
him from adding his tiny part to the show. Robin's painful
saddle sores, from both horse-back riding and being bent over
her bathroom sink, have not kept her from showing up for work
every single day. If Howard was Jesus, Fred would be Judas.
There has to be a point where Howard begins to do some
threatening of his own . Unsatisfactory employees need to be
strongly warned, and if they don't improve, they need to be
As a genius, Howard has done more for the common man than Albert
Einstein has ever done. Whether a coworker likes the genius or
not, that co-worker has a duty to further the work of the genius
for the good of all mankind. Only a selfish, in-bred, backwoods
jerk-off jackass would lose control like Fred did recently. It
is not Howard's fault that Fred doesn't have the brains or balls
to act like a man and simply say no to his wife's pornographic
acting. I believe that Fred's wife wants him to say "no" when
it comes to her dry humping strangers so that she can feel as
though she was married to a real man. But this is not the case.
The fact that Fred was the best looking woman on the inside
cover of Howard Stern's book "Miss America" was no surprise.
It is obvious that Fred's body is completely devoid of
testosterone. This is apparent when viewing Fred's reaction
to his wife trading spit with an actor while being filmed for
the "E" show.
Since Fred's hissy fit the previous week I have gone back and
studied my old video tapes of the legendary Howard Stern Show
that aired on channel nine and have come to the following
conclusion: although the cast, crew and interns of the Howard
Stern Show have lived lives that most fans could only dream of,
those with the least amount of talent and skills continue their
threats to quit the show. It was blatantly obvious those channel
nine reruns that Fred's contributions have been minimal. Fred is
dim-witted, unfunny, socio-pathic, boring, bland, ill-mannered,
ill-bred trailer trash. Only Jackie and his acting ability take
more away from the show.
In conclusion, Howard Stern seems to be climbing the ladder of
success three rungs at a time, and the fact that he is doing it
while carrying 175 pounds of dead weight named Fred Norris
strapped to his ankles only heightens his legendary status.
I've just finished watching a channel nine episode that was
a tribute to breasts. Only a genius like Howard would think
of putting an undershirt on a statue of the Venus d' Milo and
then throwing a bucket of water on it to see how the breasts
and nipples show through. Brilliance, wit, and mischievous fun
are just a few of the words that describe the man that is Howard
Stern. Unfortunately, words such as unsophisticated, simple-minded,
common, transparent, shallow, unworthy, and brutish accurately
depict the hired lackey named Fred.
I have included a multiple choice test designed to prove my
assertions and observations about Fred's part on the Howard
Stern Show. There are enough copies for everyone but only one
Fred Norris Trivia Quiz
1. Which member of the Howard Stern Show has been photographed
wearing a Nazi uniform as a youth, loves doing the voice
impression of Kurt Waldheim, and has been videotaped with a
Swastika drawn on his forehead thereby showing his anti-Semitism
and hatred for all Jews, Hebes, Kikes, and more importantly
2. An "E!" camera close-up is most likely to expose a Neanderthal-
like forehead and protruding simian brow on which of the following
(e) Fred, Gary, and Robin
3. All of the following members of the Howard Stern Show have
complete control of their spouses, EXCEPT
(c) Fred and Jackie
(d) Howard, Fred, and Jackie
(e) Fred, Jackie, and Gary
4. Fred Norris' contributions to the Howard Stern radio show
include ALL of the following EXCEPT
(a) dropping the carts
(b) making simple BaBa-Booey references when operating the Gary
(c) imitating stuttering John's speech defect for the 8,354th time
(d) strumming uncomplicated chords on the guitar while backing up
(e) doing anything that would take talent, time, or effort.
5. Which of the following supposedly heterosexual males is
completely unaware of the meaning of the following words:
manhood, husband, protector, gonads, territory
(c) Fred and Jackie
(e) Fred and Gary
6. Which racist member of the Howard Stern Show hates Jews
and Blacks so much that he married a woman whose maiden name
is the same as a now famous L.A. detective?
(e) Tom Chiusano
7. Fred Norris will have accomplished which of the following
by December 31, 1996:
(a) Divorce his wife
(b) Quit the Howard Stern Show
(c) Walk off the "Private Parts" movie set while filming.
(d) Simply threaten to do (a), (b), and (c).
(e) Contract AIDS from his wife.
ANSWERS FOR FRED NORRIS TRIVIA QUIZ
1. The correct answer is (d). The residents of the former
Soviet state of Latvia were famous Jew haters, as were all
Russian Orthodox Christians. Fred's Nazi-sympathetic blood
flows strong, and he needs to be watched closely as Howard's
showbiz success brings him into closer contact with the
2. The correct answer is (d). The first choice (a) is incorrect
because Jackie only has the intelligence of prehistoric man,
while retaining the facial features of modern day man. Choice (b)
is incorrect because Gary has the teeth, gums, nose, and hair
similar to a gorilla, but has a somewhat normal upper facial area.
Choice (c) is incorrect as well. While having a wide flat nose
with nostrils big enough to hide a couple of bananas, and her
willingness to accept her mate from behind puts her within arm's
reach of the chimpanzee family, her facial structure is quite
normal. Since choice (e) is incorrect for the previous reasons,
the only remaining choice is (d). Fred Norris' anterior cranial
skull is very pronounced. In fact if a bucket of water were poured
on his head, his face below his eyebrows would never get wet. T
his is a sure sign that Fred has limited mental faculties, and
explains his threats of violence against any caller who brings
up his marriage problems. Upon his death, his skull should be
donated to a local college for use in anthropological studies.
3. The correct answer is (e). Jackie's wife can be considered
out of control because Jackie has not forced her to supplement
his meager income by getting a real job outside of his small
sphere of influence (i.e. sorting out the checks for his CD's).
Gary's wife can be considered out his control because she made
the decision to continue smelly toothy gene pool by having
Gary's �hild, and Gary let her. Fred's wife is out of his
control because he has been unable to keep her saliva out of
other men's mouths.
4. The correct answer is (e). Fred's employment with Infinity
Broadcasting has been profoundly dull. His on-air ad-libs
provide no entertainment value whatsoever, and his off-air
personality can probably be compared to a cosmic black-hole
sucking the life and light out of every living thing within
a two mile radius.
5. The correct answer is (d). This question is painfully
easy. Fred Norris has basically allowed his wife to become
a walking talking sperm bank. The 2 minute and 32 second
kissing scene of Fred's wife and that wop actor from "Tony
and Tina's Wedding" is arguably the longest kiss ever filmed
with the husband looking on with a stupid smile on his face.
The only possible next step for Allison Norris is actual
penetration on stage.
6. The correct answer is (c). Allison Norris' maiden name
7. The correct answer is (d). While we all know that justice
would be served if Fred did get AIDS from Allison, the odds
are that he will simply get Herpes. Therefore (e) is incorrect.
And since we know that Fred does not have the backbone to
do (a), (b), or (c), the only remaining answer is (d).
Headline from Rob at
[email protected] received 5/7/96...
HOW TO GET ON THE AIR WITH HOWARD:
I've been calling in for years. I'll tell ya right now, the best way to
get on the air is through Stuttering John. If he picks up the phone, your
best bet is to ask to talk to Howard about the subject that he's talking
about at THAT VERY SECOND. Otherwise, unless you have a great story, you
probably won't get air time. Good luck to you all!
YOU WRITE THE HOWARD HEADLINES
That's right. I'm looking for Stern-show listeners to submit their
own articles and stories
to be used on this page. There is no payment involved; just that hundreds
of fans a day will get to see your work!
I'm asking this because I am going to be working full time most
of the summer
and would like this page to be updated as much as possible.
Time constraints won't let me get to it as much as I have been.
And besides, this is a Howard Stern page for fans by fans
(currently only me).
Please, if you would like to submit a story
(pictures can be included but I can usually find one that will do),
send it to
[email protected] along with your pen-name, email address,
and homepage link (if any), as well as any other info you feel is needed.
If I like it, or don't have anything pertaining to the subject matter,
it will be posted.
Thank you for all your help and thanks for visiting my Howard Stern page!!
Submit your Howard Headline!!!
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