I've been waiting a long time to get Howard on the air here in Canada
where I now reside. Of course like in all new markets, Howard has caused
some controversy here. It would be greatly appreciated by Q107 FM in
Toronto for fans to write to the CRTC ( Canadian Radio-Television and
Telecommunications Commission) in support of Howard's show. You must
write to them, E-mail is currently not acceptable. Here's the address:

 CRTC
 Ottawa, Ontario
 K1A 0N2

Let's preserve freedom of speech here in Canada. Keep Howard on the air!

          Sincerely,
          Ellen

Dear Howard/Gary,
   I am a computer programmer from Northern Virginia who has 
been an avid listener since 1982, when the Howard Stern Show 
was broadcast from Washington DC. Recent problems with Fred 
Norris have forced me to write this letter. Fred became 
upset two weeks ago, threatened to quit, and then didn't 
show up at your movie set, costing you time and money. The 
fact that "Howard Stern" the man, is responsible for everything 
and everyone that Fred has, is indisputable. However, what is 
more important, is Fred's lack of loyalty to the show, and to 
the fans of the show. His latest tirade proves that he is the 
weak link in the Howard Stern Show chain, and can't be counted 
on. I ask you, what would have happened if Howard had "quit" 
after leaving DC 101? What would have happened if Howard had 
left the radio business after being fired from NBC. What would 
have happened if Howard had given up after the FCC fines? The 
facts are-that Howard Stern is no quitter. Never has been. 
Never will be. And that is why America and the First Amendment 
will be forever in his debt.

   I'm sick and tired of Fred's irrational outbursts, infrequent 
as they may be. Gary has taken abuse for many years, but has 
shown up for work in a consistent and timely fashion. Jackie's 
persistent career failures and non-stop drug use have not kept 
him from adding his tiny part to the show. Robin's painful 
saddle sores, from both horse-back riding and being bent over 
her bathroom sink, have not kept her from showing up for work 
every single day. If Howard was Jesus, Fred would be Judas. 
There has to be a point where Howard begins to do some 
threatening of his own . Unsatisfactory employees need to be 
strongly warned, and if they don't improve, they need to be 
terminated.

As a genius, Howard has done more for the common man than Albert 
Einstein has ever done. Whether a coworker likes the genius or 
not, that co-worker has a duty to further the work of the genius 
for the good of all mankind. Only a selfish, in-bred, backwoods
jerk-off jackass would lose control like Fred did recently. It 
is not Howard's fault that Fred doesn't have the brains or balls 
to act like a man and simply say no to his wife's pornographic 
acting. I believe that Fred's wife wants him to say "no" when 
it comes to her dry humping strangers so that she can feel as 
though she was married to a real man. But this is not the case. 
The fact that Fred was the best looking woman on the inside 
cover of Howard Stern's book "Miss America" was no surprise. 
It is obvious that Fred's body is completely devoid of 
testosterone. This is apparent when viewing Fred's reaction 
to his wife trading spit with an actor while being filmed for 
the "E" show.

Since Fred's hissy fit the previous week I have gone back and 
studied my old video tapes of the legendary Howard Stern Show 
that aired on channel nine and have come to the following 
conclusion:  although the cast, crew and interns of the Howard 
Stern Show have lived lives that most fans could only dream of, 
those with the least amount of talent and skills continue their 
threats to quit the show. It was blatantly obvious those channel 
nine reruns that Fred's contributions have been minimal. Fred is 
dim-witted, unfunny, socio-pathic, boring, bland, ill-mannered, 
ill-bred trailer trash. Only Jackie and his acting ability take 
more away from the show.

In conclusion, Howard Stern seems to be climbing the ladder of 
success three rungs at a time, and the fact that he is doing it 
while carrying 175 pounds of dead weight named Fred Norris 
strapped to his ankles only heightens his legendary status. 
I've just finished watching a channel nine episode that was 
a tribute to breasts. Only a genius like Howard would think 
of putting an undershirt on a statue of the Venus d' Milo and 
then throwing a bucket of water on it to see how the breasts 
and nipples show through. Brilliance, wit, and mischievous fun 
are just a few of the words that describe the man that is Howard 
Stern. Unfortunately, words such as unsophisticated, simple-minded, 
common, transparent, shallow, unworthy, and brutish accurately 
depict the hired lackey named Fred.

I have included a multiple choice test designed to prove my 
assertions and observations about Fred's part on the Howard 
Stern Show. There are enough copies for everyone but only one 
answer sheet.

Fred Norris Trivia Quiz
1. Which member of the Howard Stern Show has been photographed 
wearing a Nazi uniform as a youth, loves doing the voice 
impression of Kurt Waldheim, and has been videotaped with a 
Swastika drawn on his forehead thereby showing his anti-Semitism 
and hatred for all Jews, Hebes, Kikes, and more importantly 
half-Hebes?
(a) Howard
(b) Gary
(c) Robin
(d) Fred
(e) Jackie

2. An "E!" camera close-up is most likely to expose a Neanderthal-
like forehead and protruding simian brow on which of the following 
Infinity employees?
(a) Jackie
(b) Gary
(c) Robin
(d) Fred
(e) Fred, Gary, and Robin

3.  All of the following members of the Howard Stern Show have 
complete control of their spouses, EXCEPT
(a) Fred
(b) Jackie
(c) Fred and Jackie
(d) Howard, Fred, and Jackie
(e) Fred, Jackie, and Gary

4. Fred Norris' contributions to the Howard Stern radio show 
include ALL of the following EXCEPT
(a) dropping the carts
(b) making simple BaBa-Booey references when operating the Gary 
puppet
(c) imitating stuttering John's speech defect for the 8,354th time
(d) strumming uncomplicated chords on the guitar while backing up 
Howard's singing
(e) doing anything that would take talent, time, or effort.


5. Which of the following supposedly heterosexual males is 
completely unaware of the meaning of the following words:  
manhood, husband, protector, gonads, territory
(a) Howard
(b) Jackie
(c) Fred and Jackie
(d) Fred
(e) Fred and Gary 

6. Which racist member of the Howard Stern Show hates Jews 
and Blacks so much that he married a woman whose maiden name 
is the same as a now famous L.A. detective?
(a) Gary
(b) Jackie
(c) Fred
(d) Howard
(e) Tom Chiusano

7. Fred Norris will have accomplished which of the following 
by December 31, 1996:
(a) Divorce his wife
(b) Quit the Howard Stern Show
(c) Walk off the "Private Parts" movie set while filming.
(d) Simply threaten to do (a), (b), and (c).
(e) Contract AIDS from his wife.



ANSWERS FOR FRED NORRIS TRIVIA QUIZ
1. The correct answer is (d). The residents of the former 
Soviet state of Latvia were famous Jew haters, as were all 
Russian Orthodox Christians. Fred's Nazi-sympathetic blood 
flows strong, and he needs to be watched closely as Howard's 
showbiz success brings him into closer contact with the 
Hollywood Hebes.

2. The correct answer is (d). The first choice (a) is incorrect 
because Jackie only has the intelligence of prehistoric man, 
while retaining the facial features of modern day man. Choice (b) 
is incorrect because Gary has the teeth, gums, nose, and hair 
similar to a gorilla, but has a somewhat normal upper facial area. 
Choice (c) is incorrect as well. While having a wide flat nose 
with nostrils big enough to hide a couple of bananas, and her 
willingness to accept her mate from behind puts her within arm's 
reach of the chimpanzee family, her facial structure is quite 
normal. Since choice (e) is incorrect for the previous reasons, 
the only remaining choice is (d). Fred Norris' anterior cranial 
skull is very pronounced. In fact if a bucket of water were poured 
on his head, his face below his eyebrows would never get wet. T
his is a sure sign that Fred has limited mental faculties, and 
explains his threats of violence against any caller who brings 
up his marriage problems. Upon his death, his skull should be 
donated to a local college for use in anthropological studies. 

3. The correct answer is (e). Jackie's wife can be considered 
out of control because Jackie has not forced her to supplement 
his meager income by getting a real job outside of his small 
sphere of influence (i.e. sorting out the checks for his CD's). 
Gary's wife can be considered out his control because she made 
the decision to continue smelly toothy gene pool by having 
Gary's �hild, and Gary let her. Fred's wife is out of his 
control because he has been unable to keep her saliva out of 
other men's mouths.

4. The correct answer is (e). Fred's employment with Infinity 
Broadcasting has been profoundly dull. His on-air ad-libs 
provide no entertainment value whatsoever, and his off-air 
personality can probably be compared to a cosmic black-hole 
sucking the life and light out of every living thing within 
a two mile radius.

5. The correct answer is (d). This question is painfully 
easy. Fred Norris has basically allowed his wife to become 
a walking talking sperm bank. The 2 minute and 32 second 
kissing scene of Fred's wife and that wop actor from "Tony 
and Tina's Wedding" is arguably the longest kiss ever filmed 
with the husband looking on with a stupid smile on his face. 
The only possible next step for Allison Norris is actual 
penetration on stage.

6. The correct answer is (c). Allison Norris' maiden name 
is Furman.

7. The correct answer is (d). While we all know that justice 
would be served if Fred did get AIDS from Allison, the odds 
are that he will simply get Herpes. Therefore (e) is incorrect. 
And since we know that Fred does not have the backbone to 
do (a), (b), or (c), the only remaining answer is (d).